Bond, Change Bond...

I just watched the latest Bond movie, Skyfall, and true to the latest Bond movies it packed action and the sauve-ness of the character into a slick movie...

But was it worth the franchise? Was it good enough to stand among the pantheon of Bond movies as the movie to celebrate "50 years of Bond"? 

Unfortunately...No.

Let me be explain...

I'll start with the things I thought worked. 

Music: 

The music by Adele was a great throw back to the quintessential Bond themes. Haunting, slow but packing a punch. Adele's voice went a long way to making it work as well. So full marks for that. Madonna's 'Die Another Day' though alright, didn't really capture the essence of what Bond should be...

The Ending:

If you haven't watched the movie yet...look away now! Spolier alert!

Right, so the ending with M's death and the appointment of Ralph Fiennes as the new M, is again a step back to the old Bond recipe. Judi Dench became the first female Bond when Pierce Brosnan took over the tuxedo 7 movies back. She's done a brilliant job manning the male dominated MI6, but you knew she was due to retire from the franchise soon. I mean how long could she go on? So, the change though expected was executed very well. 

And of course, Moneypenny!! I was beginning to miss her after they didn't bring back Samantha Bond (Yes, that's her name! You can't make these things up...) after 'Die Another Day'. So, her return, with the unmasking of the full name of the character Eve, is a nice return to the good old Bond we all know and love. Naomi Harris as Moneypenny, is black though, but the early signs point to her being pretty capable of pulling it off...

Exposing Bond:

I quite liked them taking a deeper look into Bond's character, to some extent anyway. Otherwise, he is just a character who you think just grew up in a tuxedo with a license to kill. Does it work? Perhaps. But they really need to do more with it for it to be of any significance. In this movie, it was just a placeholder...

Right...so now onto my gripes...

Story:

Didn't anybody sit and really put some effort into coming up with a creative, interesting, new, original storyline for what is 50 years of cars, guns, chases and women? Ex MI6 agent is disenchanted and feels betrayed and decides to go out on his own and become a super villain and now wants revenge. Sound familiar? Forget other movies, it's very similar to....wait for it....'Golden Eye'! (Just without the Bond girl, villainous Bond girl, Russian satellite, secret satellite station, electro-magnetic-radiation resistant helicopter and dish antennae under a lake in Cuba! But I'll come to that later) Yes the first Brosnan movie from 1995! Why oh why would you copy your own storyline?

'Tomorrow Never Dies' - now that was an original storyline. And yes, the movie wasn't the best, but as far as stories go...it was good. But this was so dour, so yesterday. I felt very disappointed. This is not Bond. So, not Bond!

Q and Gadgets:

The new younger Q, I understand. They are looking for a whole new cast apparently based on the ending of this movie, so that's ok. But where on earth are the gadgets? When I go to a Bond movie, I expect to see grappling hook shooting watches, jet packs, shoes with blades, mobile driven cars, mobiles with tazers, invisible cars, glass shattering rings, cars with missiles, exploding pens and what not. and what do I see here? Just a palm print recognising gun that no-one but Bond can fire! And a miniature radio. 

Yes, I get that it's a new direction, but it's Bond! You don't have Bond without out-of-this-world ridiculous gadgets! Q actually asks Bond, "Did you expect an exploding pen?"...Yes!! For starters!!

Dialogues:

And finally my biggest complaint. Where's all the witty, funny, pun-filled banter on Bond? Watch the Brosnan movies to see what I mean. It's packed with dialogues that make you smile, laugh and howl. That's what Bond does. Hell, that's what they all do on Bond! 

The dialogue here is laboured, slow and so predictable. It's like any other spy caper. It doesn't have enough subtlety about it to be worthy of Bond. And that's not just this movie. It's all of them since Daniel Craig took over. It's not his fault, but still! Give me a good set of lines anyday over a testrosterone packed chase...

I feel sad watching such a great franchise falling into the trap of being comfortable with just churning out movies like a factory without making all the pieces of the puzzle fit in. Yes, it will do well. Yes, it will make money. But when you walk out of the hall, as the adrenaline of watching it starts to fade, you realise that you feel something's missing. You don't feel like the movie was complete. And you're right. It wasn't. It wasn't Bond.

Maybe they just need to hire a director who can deliver all this. Someone who understand that people with power also have a sense of humour. Someone who builds characters. Someone who tells stories. Someone who can pack all this in inside a 2 hour movie. Someone like....Joss Whedon maybe. Avengers has everything that Bond is missing. Great dialogues, heroes whose characters are built during the course of the movie and a storyline that has enough different elements in it to make you walk out feeling.."Yeah....that was worth it..."

Maybe he can give this franchise the shot in the arm it needs.

And while he's at it, maybe he can bring back the martini - shaken, not stirred!

English, my dear Watson!

The biggest myth of all time is that English is the language spoken in England. It is not. 

They do speak a tongue very similar to English. But the traditional test of “If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck”, falls flat in this instance. 

What they talk in can only be described as a close cousin of the English language. So my dear friends from the land of the Queen, Shakespeare and the Beatles, here are a few things I have picked up:

You do not use ‘Us’ when talking only about yourself. You use it only when you are talking about you and a few other people with you. So, if it’s just you and me in a room and you tell me “could you grab that crate of beer for us”, I will look around wondering what you are talking about. Similarly, “Give us a hug” is not a perfectly acceptable phrase when talking about yourself. It’s just wrong. (Let alone probably being practically impossible. How do you hug a bunch of people?)

While we are at collective nouns, ‘Yous’ is not a word. ‘Yous Twos’ is definitely not a phrase. In fact you don’t even need an ‘s’ in this particular instance. ‘You Two’ is perfectly acceptable. The only time you really need to use an ‘s’ with one of these words when they appear together, is when you are drunk as a skunk in the middle of the day (like the English usually are) and have double vision. Then you can say “Hey look! There are Two Yous!”. In all other cases, stick to the singular.

Let’s talk about food now, a packet of potatoes sliced really thin and served in well packaged packs in different flavours by various brands are called ‘Chips’. Not ‘Crisps’. ‘Crisp’ is an adjective. So, the 'chip' can be 'crisp'. But the ‘chip’ is not a ‘crisp’. And the stuff you call ‘Chips’…those are called ‘Fries’.

And why do you greet people with the phrase “Are you all right?” You know what; I was all right till you asked me about it. But now that you have brought it up, I am wondering why you said it. Did I not look all right? Is something wrong?

And when you talk about time, when the clock reads 2:30, it is “Two thirty”. It is not “half two”. That would make it “one” and then everybody gets confused.

And here are a few other things to ponder:

Why is your best friend your ‘mate’?

Why do you say ‘taking the piss’? (That’s just wrong on so many different levels!)

‘Dinner’ is at night. You know after 8pm and all…not at 3pm!

Wonder if that’s how the Queen speaks in private as well?

“Hey Charles, bring us the crown before you and your mates go off to catch the game! Make sure you have dinner before you go. Also remember to take you tablets.

What? You don’t need tablets? Hahaha! You’re taking the piss!”

What TV taught me…

It is universally believed that the television, though a great medium of entertainment, is called the ‘idiot box’ for a reason. They say you miss out on life and don’t get any real life experiences. You don’t go out, fall down, get up again and learn from your mistakes. You watch nonsensical, mind numbing shows and movies all day long. So in a nut shell, it turns you into an idiot.

I beg to differ.

I feel that watching TV hour after hour has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. And I don’t mean this simply from the point of view of the endless laughs, countless gun fights, chilling frights or thrilling suspense. I mean this from the point of view of real life lessons.

TV showed me the meaning of life…

F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and How I Met Your Mother have taught me that life is more than your job. It doesn’t matter what you do at work. In fact, it doesn’t even matter if you work. What matters is what you do when you are not at work. They have taught me that the moments that you will always remember come when you least expect it. Having a beer with people who get you is more important than spreadsheets, budgets and targets. So get out….and have some fun…

TV taught me about people…..

Weeds, Dexter, Swordfish and Prison Break have taught me that people who do things that are traditionally thought of as bad, are not always bad. 24 has taught me that people who do things ‘for the greater good’, are not always good. Leverage has shown me that “good or bad people” is simply a matter of where you stand. John Q showed me that good people do bad things while Fast Five showed me that bad people can do good things.

TV taught me about family…

Star Wars showed me that even guys have daddy issues. Thor taught me that even Gods have daddy issues. Harry Potter was proof that your parents never truly leave you alone. Home Alone was proof that sometimes your parents will literally leave you alone.

TV gave me direction…

Fight Club and Transporter taught me to play by the rules. Pirates of the Caribbean taught me that rules are more a set of guidelines. South Park, Family Guy and Seinfeld taught me the importance of laughing at myself. Never take yourself too seriously. The Hulk was evidence of what pent up anger can do. Californication taught me that “Shit be Happening”. Sound of Music taught me that it’s alright to break into song and dance about nothing at all.

TV helped me decide what sort of person to be….

The Big Bang Theory told me that it’s alright to be a geek. You can still have a good job, fun friends and a hot girlfriend. Batman Begins told me that it’s not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me. Superman taught me that it’s not what I do, but who I am that’s important.

TV taught me about clothes….

In Pursuit of Happiness taught me that clothes don’t make a man. Suits, Pretty Woman, the Ocean’s movies and Men in Black taught me that no matter what I do, it matters what I wear. Barney taught me that a suit can be worn anywhere. Superman taught me the importance of underwear.

TV gave me an insight into work….

The Devil wears Prada taught me that a job you’re not cut out for can be a stepping stone to something better. The Firm and The Godfather taught me how to deal with politics at work. House and N.C.I.S. showed me that if your boss is an ass, he’s doing it for your own good. Horrible Bosses showed me that if your boss is an ass, he is an ass. Charlie’s Angles showed me that if you only talk to your boss on the phone, it’s the best situation.

TV taught me about love….

Gone with the Wind taught me that I shouldn’t give a damn. Ghost taught me the true meaning of undying love. Corpse Bride taught me about undead love. Star Trek taught me to love aliens. Free Willy and Ace Ventura taught me to love animals. Planet of the Apes taught me to love alien animals. Castle, F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and Bones taught me that if you really love someone, to be patient about it. Marshall and Lily taught me not to be patient. To impress a girl, Ross taught me to be caring and considerate. The Ugly Truth taught me to be obnoxious.

TV taught me about women…

Sex and the City taught me that women are a lot like men. Mrs. Doubtfire and White Chicks taught me that sometimes, women are men.

TV taught me about God…

Bruce Almighty taught me that God has a sense of humour. Clash of the Titans taught me that God is as flawed as man. Bewithched showed me that the Devil….is a woman.

TV taught me to question…

The Matrix asked me to question everything because nothing is what it seems. Don’t believe in something just because somebody told you it was so. Inception backed it up.

TV gave me culture….

My Fair Lady taught me English. Amelie taught me French. Star Trek taught me Klingon. Avatar taught me Navi. The Thomas Crown Affair, Ocean’s Twelve and White Collar taught me art. As did the Da Vinci Code. Spartacus taught me about ancient Rome. Troy taught me about ancient Greece.

So what are you doing reading this? Go learn something…go watch some TV….

Marvelous Mavel's Avengers Assemble...

Yes ok...first off...before I launch into my monologue of how amazing and marvelous Marvel's latest magnum opus is...I should admit...i'm not the biggest fan of the title Avengers Assemble (in the UK anyway, so that it does not conflict with the older movie with Sean Connery I think...) but come on...that's in reality a small concession when compared with the sheer awesomeness of the actual movie!

So it brings together Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, Hulk, Hawkeye, Black Widow, Nick Fury and Loki....yes yes Loki is the bad guy, but he's there...and he's pretty cool actually...so we'll count him as well..

The world is in danger (cos Loki has some grand plans and all that) but the real reason why Avengers is so awesome is the smaller points. Forget Stark's suit, Hawk eye's cool bow and arrow contraption and Thor's hammer ( no pun intended)...the real moments are in the dialogue. Full marks to the main man..Joss Whedon for picking up this Hulk of a movie (pun intended) and creating small moments all through it that you have to love. For anybody who doubted Whedon's ability to take this cast of the biggest superheroes the world has seen and make a relatively memorable movie...in your face!! He's nailed it and how!!

So what are the small points? Here's a few:

Awesome Dialogue #1:

during the fight scene between Thor and Iron Man in the jungle somewhere...

Thor: You know not what you do..( or some such)

Iron Man: Oh? Shakespeare in the Park? ok. Doth thou mother know that you weareth her drapes?

I mean....that was ROTFLMAO!! It was just perfectly set up and delivered! 

Awesome Dialogue #2:

Thor: Watch what you say. He's my brother (Or some such)

Black Widow: He just killed 80 people in 2 days...

Thor: (Without missing a beat) He was adopted

You just had to laugh out loud!!! Brilliant!

Awesome Dialogue #3:

When Stark meets Banner for the first time...

Stark: Dr. Banner...I love your work on (some scientific thingy)...and especially the way you turn into an uncontrollable green rage monster...

Banner: hmm...Thanks

Now, credit must got o Ruffalo for a great Hulk. He seemed like this little harmless little man who was trying his best to hide from everything. Unassuming and very quiet. A good Banner to the big bad Hulk..

Awesome Dialogue #4:

One of my favourites...this was a very onlique reference and most people probably didn't get it...

When Stark walks in and talks about something (again sciency stuff and I don't remember the exact dialogue because the next line was so awesome...) he looks at Thor and goes...

Stark: Ok Point Break..what is it..

Point Break of course being a reference to Thor's haircut which is similar to Patrick Swayze's from the movie....wait for it.....Point Break!! I mean come on...you have to love it!!

Awesome Dialogue #5:

Again a movie reference....and again...one of my favourites!!

When Captain Rogers.....or Captain America...if you prefer it...is giving orders to the troops of super awesome heroes...he orders Hawkeye to take a position up top to survey and give tactical help. He asks iron Man to sly up high and attack...

So Haekeye asks Iron Man to give him a lift upto the top of the building...and then...Stark calls him.....you have to love this.......Legolas!! That's right!! The archer dude from LOTR!! I mean how cool is that!! Superheroes referencing fantasy movies!! priceless!!


Awesome Dialogue #6:

Ok and this has to be the "Take the cake" dialogue of them all!!


So Captain America gives everybody directions and then he turns to Hulk...so now you expect him to say something like..."And you Hulk...make sure you take out as many of them as you can and cover the rest of us.."

But no! He does something totally cool....he just takes the most awesome Hulk dialogue of all time (and probably the most famous comic dialogue and turns it on its head...)


He turns to Hulk and says....

And Hulk...Smash!

I mean...that is just pure genious!! I think even Hulk liked it!!


So that's it from me!! All reasons why the Avengers is the record breaking, super...superhero movie you have to watch and later...own! (On DVD of course...or blu ray...I don't condone piracy!!)

So...until the next Marvel super hero movie...I'm going to go relive these moments....(yes...I have a very lame life!)

It's a grey Christmas....

Christmas....aaah...that time of the year when the roads and trees and houses and cars are covered in many inches of thick snow and little kiddies are making snow angles on the ground....

well not quite...

there hasn't been an inch of snow so far and the only thing close to snow is in my fridge...(though i suspect that is more because my fridge is having problems than anything else). It snowed for like 10 mins a few days back (and this was exactly when i was running to catch a bus at 6 in the morning....i hear it stopped the moment i got into the bus...and then the sun came out and the fraction of an inch of snow had melted away before you could say "Snow")

All that I see now is grey skies and cold rain and chilly winds!

How is that Christmas??

Look i'm an Indian....but I like Christmas and I come to Liverpool expecting to have a bunch of snow to make my own versions of Calvin and Hobbes morbid snowmen...(the cat belonging to the man downstairs must be happy knowing that I didn't make a fake snow mouse for it to hunt....damn!!)....so it's not fair to take that away from me you know!! I mean if you are going to be cold as hell might as well atleast snow right!! Like in all those movies and series that i watch with a few thousand feet of snow for every Christmas....but guess what...that's just creative liberty that the producers take...snow doesn't really happen like that...not anymore anyway....

There might actually be something to the Global Warming thing.....generations to come will never know the connection between snow and a carrot! But screw them....I am more worried that my dream of building the most awesome snow man ever will never be fulfilled...and that's not cool!! It was the main reason I even decided to do my MBA in a snowy country in the first place....and now....no snow!! i mean...come on!!

Looks like I have to satisfy myself with the snow substitute for now...in my fridge...whcih isn't much by the way....

Aah well...guess my Jack Frost expectations were a bit much then....

Ethos?? What Pathos!!

"Our Ethos are important to us!" That's his argument to get internet companies to censor content on the web in India.

As if the regular parade (and charade) by MNS, Shiv Sena and every other Vanar Sena out there on Valentine's Day, couples on the road, on their bikes, in their homes etc was not enough, now they want to make sure you cannot put up anything "offensive" on the internet!!

And offensive to him, and what started this whole witch hunt, is an apparent photograph of Sonia Gandhi which he and the rest of the "I am Sonia Gandhi's bitch" brigade did not like. Having not seen the photo, I cannot comment on it, but no matter what it's hardly a reason to turn it into a national sentiment argument. Guess what....I don't give a crap!! And neither does anybody else! It's Sonia Gandhi for crying out loud! Now if it was Katrina Kaif, I can understand the logic behind wanting to atleast see the picture, but Sonia Gandhi??

He even goes so far as to say that he wants Facebook, Google and other sites to provide data as to where the picture was uploaded from, who did it etc etc. What is this? The CIA? or old school KGB?? What happened to privacy and my rights to free speech and all that? Yes, I get the argument about inciting communal feelings, but surely this is not the answer! And you aren't even doing it for that reason...you are doing it purely to satisfy your bosses and cement your place in the government! If you read his interviews, he doesn't even try to make it sound like he actually cares about anything to do with the country and has a valid argument for his demands. You are a lawyer, are you not Mr. Sibal?? Surely, you must know you are making no sense!!

And where does he get off saying that he wants to protect the sentiments of the nation?? I never understand this moral policing that politicians take it upon themselves to engage in wrt the country and the people. Who are you to decide what is morally the stand of the county? Who are you to stand up and claim responsibility to protect the country? And are we, as a people, so weak that we cannot decide for ourselves what is right and wrong and good and bad that we need you to herd us in the right direction?? Surely a nation that has produced pulitzer prize winners and nobel prize winners and sport champions and business leaders and technology giants can trust its people to make sound judgements on a moral level! And, when you start comparing the "western culture" and the complaining about the nudity and sex that is "corrupting our young minds" and "going against our culture" I have to ask you.....ever heard of Kama Sutra?? Or was that a result of "western influence" as well, even in days when they did not have cable telelvision??

But most importantly, there are so many other real issues you should be campaigning for! Corruption for starters. And I don't mean the moral kind either. I am talking about the good old materialistic version. Surely, your effort is better spent working to eliminate that! Or is that in our culture? Seeing as everybody anyways associated the government with bribes, delays, in-efficiency and everything else that is a malaise, wouldn't your time be better spent trying to change that image? Or do you see this "moral policing" as an opportunity to line your pockets further? Will you back down if these internet companies offer "donations" to "the government's efforts to curb such activities"?

What we need Mr. Sibal, from you in your current post as Telecoms and IT Minister is to give us increased broadband speeds, better mobile services, higher connectivity and such other serious infrastructure changes that will actually impact more than the 1 person in the country. So why don't you actually use your post to make a positive difference as opposed to chasing after alleged photos that makes no difference to anybody...

Oh and by the way....#IdiotKapilSibal is now trending on Twitter...maybe we should ban that as well? What say?

Change is a good thing??

As I ride back in a rickshaw from a trip to get a change of hairstyle, I start thinking about change and my life online. Don't ask me how they are related, but the mind goes where it goes and there isn't much you can do about it. So then, "Change is the only constant" they say....and it's almost like websites the world over are out to prove the point (or disprove it..depending on which side of the fence you are on...)

First there was facebook. They really took this to heart by introducing a new interface every day. Look your posts now appear in chronological order. And look now, your friends are tagged along with your posts so everything is viral. And look, even better, news feed is now the main section on your profile. Maybe we'll move your photos to a different format. You know what, why don't we move your photos to your wall in a format that will chronologically tag all your friends while they feed you news!! Ok, I might have got the last one a bit wrong, but you get the point....

Off late, its google who've taken to ripping my digital world as i knew it apart and rearranging the furniture...almost like Darren Sammy's stumps in the India-West Indies series..

First they change the google home page with a drop down that collapses and then drops back down if you mistakenly run your mouse somewhere near the top of the page. And now Youtube looks like a facebook page now.....

And I don't like it!

I mean, I like my pages to all look different so that I know where one site ends and the other begins. So if everyhting looks like everything else, it is really painful to organise my life. Yes, users should have ease of navigation and movement from one site to the other in the new completely digital world and all that...but I like my life as it is!! Don't change it!!

If you want to bring in something new, bring in SIRI.. now that is something I can get used to. The cheeky responses to questions like "What is the meaning of life??", that alone will make it worth it. But otherwise, don't move the pieces of the puzzle around...I have so many other things happening in my life, I come here for some semblance of stability! My site cannot stop co-operating with me on an important project, stop talking to me, not give me that promotion i deserve, not give me a loan and so on and so forth. It is dependable....SO DON'T CHANGE IT!!

But, alas, I know I am probably the only voice crying out for no change in a world obsessed with it. And as if to prove my point, the auto driver turns towards me when I hand him the money and says..."Change hai??"...

Hanh hai...thoda zyada hai...sigh!!

Occam's Razor

No....Occam's is not a brand like Gillette...and no this is not a blog about my experiences during shaving.....in any way, shape or form....

It is, as the name suggests, a quest for answers......

Not really.....but I would like to raise a few questions.....

But before I go there...let me atleast explain my blog title...right? Now Occam's Razor is a very simple principle...."The simplest explanation is probably the right one"

Now that sounds simple enough right?....but it invariably never works in life now, does it? Too simple an explanation makes you wonder, is that really true? Can that be possible? Is that the right thing? Do I deserve life to be that simple? (Just to clarify, these are not the aforementioned questions..)

Like, if the friendly neighbourhood spider offered you a free ride.....oops sorry...did I say spider...i meant cabbie. (I can see how spider would be freaky...unless you were the citizens of Gotham city...then you would be....wait a min..was it Gotham city or Metropolis?...anyway...you get the point). Your first reaction would be to go to the guy right next to him who charges you an arm and a leg.....and a liver for good measure. Why? well because, you, me and the average Joe are not used to acts of charity now, are we? We expect to be ripped off, so surely he can't be doing this out of the goodness of his heart now, can he? The world is not full of rainbows and bunnies and babies....(ok it is full of babies..but not the other two, even in Liverpool where it rains and sun shines brightly all at the same time! you would expect rainbows galore wouldn't you....but no!!!..and for all the things they say about bunnies, where is a bunny when you are trying to disprove a point, hanh??)....

or when a major media company decides to start their own social network thingy....the obvious thing is, you tried it once, it didn't work. there is already a site that does all that you promise and more and it is growing all the time. People are tired of having multiple networks, it is tiring. People will get bored. Stay with what you are so awesomely good at and let people be. Don't try to plus your way....(i obviously meant plug...must have been a typo)... into their lives!! But no!! we will try...complicate lives, send out invites and so on and so forth....

so...anyway....why I came to this topic is that.....I have this little thing to do...it's called a Dissertation....where I have to analyse a topic and present my recommendations after 15000 utterly boring, meaningless words! Now see, right here is where Occam's Razor would apply...

While making the course modules, somebody ought to have said..."Let the kid's get some work experience and then just write up something about it...or better still we'll just ask the employers to rate their performance" I mean it's an MBA...so what are you going to judge...how well I understand the business right?....but no!!! we want you to spend time, effort, money and well...time mainly....writing 15-goddamn-thousand words on it! Why oh why would anyone want to do that...and why -oh-why would anyone want to read that??

but...you know what....i am taking ti seriously nevertheless. It is something that needs to be done and it needs to be done right. So....i started with what it is called...a "Dissertation". Ta da!! right there...my way out....by definition, it is a "Desertation"...so I will "desert" it. And so....I haven't really gotten started! Woo hoo! Now come on...this is not my fault...U call it something that deserves desertion, then I just have to follow instructions right?....

Ah well...if only life were that simple....Or maybe it is.....

Maybe it is all about crossing the road....maybe the chicken had all the answers....you know what...i think the chicken deserves it's own post.....

End...tourage?

You want be high ...for this

...that's what the soundtrack on this promo says, and you really have to be high, to want to end this absolutely amazing series or deal with the fact that it is ending!! And even then they do it with such style....

check out this image spot....it's one of the best I have seen in a long time...



It does give you goosebumps doesn't it....

I mean move over Friends, Prison Break, HIMYM, and whatever else...This is the real deal!

And the best part is that there is no real story line overarching the whole series like most other series have to have....

It's just there....5 guys chilling, faffing, making fools of themselves, living the life and well....doing what we normal people do...but at a celebrity level!

The whole concept of a group of guys around a celebrity could have so ended up with a totally cliched series, but the writers and creators really did pull a rabbit or two out of the hat with the way they treated it...

And what else can you expect from Mark Wahlberg? The guy might have been the rather unsuccessful Marky Mark at some time, but there's no doubting him as a Hollywood superstar now!

My favourite character among the lot is still the man, the agent, the fastest talker in Hollywood...Ari Gold!!

I don't think there is another character in television who can be so acerbic, insulting and ir-reverant and yet totally likeable! Jeremy Piven has absolutely nailed the character and killed it! It's credit to Piven that the original Ari, on who the character is based, was insistent that Piven needed to play his role or noone would! And what an inspired casting it is! I just wait for Ari's scenes to see what new interesting, homo-phobic, expletive filled, long, complicated insult he comes up with!

I should also mention the brilliant score Entourage always has...I have download numerous songs just hearing them on the soundtrack. If you have any doubts just listen to the song in the video on top. All the songs are perfect for the moment, and probably ones you have not heard of before (atleast I hadn't) but still absolutely amazing!

Anyway, I can't wait till July to catch the last 8 episodes and the impending movie after that. I sincerely hope that they start missing the series towards the end and bring it back for future seasons. But I also know that it wouldn't be a wise move. Might as well go out on a high...and boy...are these guys on a high or what!!

So....I guess...you have to be high for this....

giving it 110%....yeah right!!

It's a very common phrase now isn't it? among people of all job descriptions from simple Engineers and Copywriters to slightly more complicated Team Leaders and Partners to the extremely ambiguous Country Heads (are they something like pot heads and meth heads and metal heads?) or Head of Internalized Marketing Focused on External Communication....

"....gave 110%..."

replace the "110" with:

105, 120, 150, 200, 117.36...and so on..and..

replace the "..." at the start with:

the team/employees/boys/the player/the waiter/the neighbour's dog/Sania Mirza etc....

I mean, that's not possible...u know...really..it isn't...mathematically/biologically/logically/Mohammed Ali..ok not Mohammed Ali....but you get the point.

I always feel that when someone oversells something...there's something fishy. To quote a famous Hindi saying.."there's something black in the lentils"..

so when i hear someone tell me.."you know what...this is the best we can come up with...we gave it a 110%"...I hear...."yeah...we tried, but we really had to go catch the Mahut v Isner match and hope for another marathon, but you know how it goes right, the match ended in like 2 hrs...but we were so drunk we din bother to try after the match"

Like when you see Arsenal lose to United, Chelsea, Liverpool, Swansea, Cardiff etc and then Arsene Wenger says.."the players gave 120%. You can't question their committment"...you know he's thinking.."bloody bastards lost another match. what the fuck!"

Or when Serena Williams says..."I lost because u made me play on other courts apart from court 1, 2 and center court for so long"...i hear..."whine..whine whine...oh my god i have to win and if i don't i will whine whine whine!!"....wait a minute....that had nothing to do with the topic did it? ah well anyway....

It would be nice for a change if people actually spoke the truth...

see you probably gave 90%...that's the fact....if you give 100% every minute of every day...well...unless your work day has a 30 sec 'rest-period' atleast between minutes, you can't really go past the first minute!

Think about it...if you work yourself to the death every minute, you won't have anything left to give 100% for the next minute now will you??

So you gave 90%...and you know what? that's totally acceptable! it means that you gave me 90% consistently throughout the day and I can take that as opposed to knowing that you started at 100 and then eventually ended up giving me 30 after 1 hr!! you would think people would have realised this by now!

So when you hear Dhoni talk after the 2nd test which India lose...it would be refreshing to hear him say:

"Yeah the boys gave 90% for the 3 days....except Bhaji...he gave 80% as usual...till he got a wicket. when he didn't he gave 60%. But credit to the West Indies to play with some random bunch of guys every match and still beat us convincingly"

so till next time....give your 90%!

The Malayali Christian name formula revealed...

i have to admit...this is not my doing...got this through a friend who knows a friend who knows a guy who does a thing that has nothing to do with this other thing and so on and so forth....

but it is freaking hilarious!! (and i'm pretty sure true!)

1. Select a combination of both the mother's and father's names. eg: Suresh and Sharon = Susha, or Joseph and Beena = Jobi.

2. The addition of a 'mon' (meaning son) or 'mol' (meaning daughter) is optional. eg: Sushamol, Jobimon

3. To attach a modern anglicised feel to the names, the mol or mon can be replaced with boy or girl. eg: Jobiboy, Sushagirl.

4. For the politically correct Keralite family, mol and mon can be replaced by the universal 'kutty'(child), which can be used for both boys and girls! eg: Jokutty, Susikutty

Even parents having combination names can still give their children suitable names eg: Libi and Jobi = Lijo
However, in the scenario where the parents already have combination names that cannot form more comprehensible child names. eg: Itty and Amukutty, would produce only Itam (which doesn't even sound like a name), or Amit (which is like Northie and stuff!!!!), then:

a. Use an English word like Baby, Merry, Titty, Pearly, Smiley, Anarchy, etc.

b. Use a combination of two English names that you think sound cool(but never cool enough) like Meredith + Gina = Megi, or Sharon + Darlene = Sharlene

c. Use a name from the Bible (and not Nebuchadnezzar! Use one that even Velliammachi can pronounce!) like Jacob, Sam, John, Joseph, Mathew, or Jijo!

d. Use a name that sounds like a cuss word but isn't. eg: Boben, Prussy, Shagi, JustinTimberlake etc.

Note: The use of the letter 'j' is useful in the naming of sibling where names that sound alike are a novelty. eg: Ajji, Sajji, Majji, Bhajji and Nimajji, or Sijo, Lijo, Jijo, Anjo, Panjo, Banjo

Staring into space....

....we have all done it. and we all will keep doing it. cos it's something we have to do. Come on now...don't lie. Be true to yourself...you have stared into space during that important meeting wondering about anything and everything that had nothing to do with anything and especially nothing to do with the meeting at hand....so don't pretend like you don't know what i'm talking about...

I do it a lot lately, i have realised....space does hold some rather amazing secrets and it would be great to know about it, learn it, understand it yada yada..

But the only problem is, my space is not really 'space' in the 'big black nothingness' form of things....it is actually the parking lot and the adjacent road outside my house. Quiet a nice view it is...and the topic of some intense research by me over the last few weeks...

For example i know that the lot has 230 parking spaces in the half that i can see....so extrapolating it to the whole lot i would say it has approx 450 parking spaces. thats a lot...for a hospital by the way. Of it only 90% is utilised at any point of time....the rest are empty. There are 55 cars whose number plates add upto 70 and 63 whose number plates start with 4...ok i'm kidding about the last line

but seriously....i even know that the signal on the road there is 40secs per road and approx 14 cars pass through everytime it turns....freaky right...tell me about it!!

So why does the road and parking lot suddenly hold such fascination, you ask? (well you don't ask, cos you don't really care, but for the sake of argument, lets assume that you do ask...) it's because i am ruminating the meaning of life and other such questions. No seriously....i am....why u ruminate so, you ask? Well, that...i don't have an answer to....

But i do know that the answer to life, the universe, everything...is 42. I guess that's enough for now...(Those who din get that...go watch The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy which is a wholly amazing movie...it really is!)

3 days for the world to turn right side up again....

.....rather an interesting concept on Bones tonight. Well not on TV but online...but interesting nevertheless....

it's been 10 maybe 14 days...so yeah we know THAT doesn't work...

how long....

my shot at poetry....

How long to make the effort,
how long to try,
eventually you will want to give up,
but till then u prefer to fry,
But why? Seriously.....Why???

(let's hear the drumroll pls...and the applause!! Thank you thank you!! And see it's not just the rhyme, the words actually make sense..)

No Good Deed....

...Goes Unpinished...

that's it. I have nothing else to say...

Adios!

Sense of Humour....

....or is it nonsense of humour??

Picking up from my previous post, have u realised how you suddenly become really funny when you are drunk? Forget you, have you realised how the general sense of humour quotient of the whole room goes up when you are drunk? Everything is funny....even a glass of water. It's just so hilarious that there is a glass of water just sitting there...on the table...looking at you...judging....

anyway.....

...the reason i bring it up is bocs, on my way back from said trip earlier...i was stopped by the UK Border something something (I don't remember. honestly..) at the coach station. Now....to give u some background....i was drunk, and I had travelled by bus which makes u more high for some reason...and I had been listening to "Hold me, thrill me..." on the iPod...which is highly psychadelic...so I was well....buzzed...

So the guy gets into the bus before anyone can get off and says..."Please keep some incentive vacation ready cos we are changing all gravel hers" Actually that's what i heard. In hindsight, he probably said "Please keep some ID ready cos we are checking all travellers". Luckily though my lack of understanding didn't make much difference as I saw others handing him IDs and did the same (somehow sight still trumps hearing in these circumstances).

When i got to him, he looked at me and said "are you a student?". My reaction was to look him straight (or atleast as straight as I could) in the eye....for about 2 minutes. After this rather long silence, during which I had an expression like he had asked me the square root of 23, he said..."sir, are you a student?". To which I intelligently replied..."Maybe". Now let me clarify....at that time it seemed the right thing to do....i don't know who he is...so why am i answering his questions? My mother taught me not to talk to strangers....

But it wasn't a very wise choice obviously and I was asked to wait while they did a number of checks and took all details including my neighbour's pet dog's name...

The cool (read: ass freezing especially since I did not have the jacket) wind jolted me sufficiently back to reality for me to get away from there with some dignity intact. (I even managed to give them a hard time about a check earlier during which they caused a friend to miss the coach etc etc. Woo Hoo!!) I don't think they'll ever stop me again....

But......i like to think that I have a good sense of humour you know...

and i also think that it's not for everyone...

like the other day..(read: 5 hrs back)...I was talking to my friend and this is how the conversation went:

Friend: That guy is a real player
Me: I prefer Winamp

Now i was forced to apologise for what i thought was a very very intelligent joke...so i guess....it's about knowing your audience at the end of the day....

My Experiments with Truth....

....about Vodka.

Seeing as I'm no Gandhi (in any sense of the word. I'm not bald, I don't have a walking stick and I don't really care much for salt) my experiments with truth are limited to the benefits of hiding it. Manipulating it so that you only tell someone the partial truth for various reasons. That's technically not lying....

Anywho...this post has nothing to do with that....so moving along to what i actually wanted to talk about...Vodka...

I had a surreal experience yesterday aided by generous doses of the russian brew....and it made me realise a few home truths....which naturally i am keen to share. To be honest i'm not entirely sure of some of the facts...but hey! i'm sure enough to write this...so here goes....

(All people, incidents, actions, screw ups in this post are totally real to the best of my memory and any resemblance to anything living or dead, mostly living unless something has drastically changed in the last 12 hrs, is purely factual)

Lessons Learnt and Truths Realised:

1) Having a bottle of Vodka after not sleeping all night, seems like a good idea. It is not.

2) Downing the whole bottle in one go and then buying another because you still feel sane seems like an even better idea. This is definitely not.

3) You think you can't get drunk. You will. Soon. More than you can handle.

4) Vodka doesn't make you smart. At all.

5) It makes you catch the next available bus that day. To Manchester.

6) Vodka and a moving bus are the best way to fall asleep. Peacefully. Soundly....till u wake up in Manchester.

7) You will not wake up in Manchester. You will......in Leeds.

8) National Express guys are nice. They give you a free ride back to Manchester. Because you are drunk.

9) You think it is so warm and don't take a jacket. It is cold. Very cold. Even inside the bus. You realise this once you get out.

10) You get to Manchester. Finally.

11) You get up from your seat quickly. You shouldn't have. There are drunk elephants running around in your head. Playing football. Aggressively.

12) You don't think you are hungry. You are. You don't eat. You should have.

13) The aforementioned elephants are now drunk AND hungry. They are still playing football. More aggressively.

14) You see someone smoking and making smoke rings. You think it would be fun to know to do that. You might think of trying. (Let's leave the rest of that story out)

15) You have an assignment to submit in 2 days. You haven't started. You decide to start.

16) You feel creative. Very creative. You are. I said creative not intelligent. You still can't do finance.

17) Vodka is a good gambler. You make a ton of money at the Casino....then lose it. All of it.

18) You manage to make it to the bus to get back. It is freezing. You feel much more sane.

19) You listen to the iPod. The song you are listening to is "Gay Fish". You sing it out loud. You think you have a great voice. You don't. Luckily you are sitting alone.

20) You get up the next day morning with the mother of all headaches. What the fuck did you expect!!

and....that's the way it goes......

Playing bored games.....

...same old life, same old things to do, nowhere to go and no-one to go with...life, is tres boring!!

I mean today is a Monday, without school (Btw, i seem to have class for like 1 day in a week which i find very weird for a 1 yr MBA. I hear that 4 yr MBAs are more intense!!) Anywho....so it's almost like a Sunday. And on days without school i usually wake at like 3 or 4. Cos, let's face it, there is nothing to do!! but, I decided to try and change that. (I mean, how bad can it be to give it a try right?) So instead of 3 i woke up at 10. Really! (I actually set the alarm for 9, woke up and then thought, "haha..Ya right!" reset it for 10 and went back to sleep) And guess what?? I'm bored at 5 instead of 10. Basically my life has taken a step forward, literally, by like 5 hrs. And we're back to square 1!

On the bright side, i have a tip to look forward to over the next 2 days so that should kinda be better. Plus i have a book or 2 to read. (One of them is about Jesus is a sham or some such.....should be fun!!) Plus i dloaded 3 or 4 songs that i can listen to till i am bored to death of them....(Damn i'm so bored i don even know what to blog about...) So i guess that's it...

Au revoir...and what not...

Scotoma....

...the mind chooses to see what it wants to...

A friend blogged about it recently...(take a bow metzy!! Will the real metzy please stand up) and it got me thinking...how the true it is!!

think about it....everytime in life...do you really see things objectively for what it is? Or do you see that which you want to? Do you see that glass of water half full on a shitty day or do you see an almost full glass as not even full? Do u see the actions of someone for what it could be or do you see it for something that you want it to be, or for that matter what u think it is...without really knowing? Do you pass judgement? Do you trust blindly???

It's like in the Matrix, where the little kid tells NEO..."Don't try to bend the spoon instead realise the truth....there is no spoon".

It's an interesting phenomenon...really....how it all pans out and the cards fall....

Take for example the course i am in. It's shitty....no point, no real end product, no real content, no real MBA. (It's like a major money spinning mechanism. People one fine day got together and decided...hey u know what...lets see if we can squeeze like 14k pounds out of a bunch of suckers! And u know what lets actively target the countries like India where even though they cannot afford it and will have to mortgage their house, car, dog and neighbours a few times over to get the money, ppl will still raise the cash and come!!) But it's there bcos ppl like to see it as something big and people running it are convinced that it is the solution to the world's hunger problem, world peace and just about anything else you can think off. (UN goes...Damn we need to solve this issue in bahrain. Lets get a football MBA in....they are the only guys who can solve this!! Yeah right!!) But then there's me who is convinced otherwise and could well have just burnt all that money and it would have probably been the same! But that's where Scotoma kicks in.....am i looking at it that way bcos i feel so let down by the course and that all the course is not as bad as the beginning?? Is it just in my mind and maybe a more open mind would actually turn this all around and make some damn sense??

But it's never that simple is it? Academics are least of your problems though at the time they always seem so huge and everything, it's probably the easiest to deal with. Why? Cos u need marks....that's it. It's quantifiable...yeah sure it affects life...but does it really make a huge difference? The guys who do the best are guys who invaribaly leave school, college or whatever (Einstein, bill gates anyone?? Yeah i aim high. Always go big...that way when u crash u know u atleast tried!! It's kind of an antithesis that i aim high fully expecting to crash...but then...such is life)

It's the life choices that end up screwing u up! Scotoma in life...now that's a bitch. (it is actually as bad as it sounds. Scotoma of life!! Oh my god doctor??what does that mean? It means that...well ur screwed!) I mean really....when things seem a certain way, when u are sure ur getting screwed by someone (and not in the way u'd like..) being taken advantage of, but u just can't do anything about it. you know u should, u don't need to put urself through this...but no!!! u still go through it day after day after day....why?? bcos u can't help it! Mind says dude...ur screwed!! but u think that's just scotoma...it can't be that bad can it? That's not what is happening is it? Na.....it'll be alright. It's just a phase!! Wake up jackass!! ur being played like a well tuned piano i tell u!! smell the coffee (rather bad one that i make as well. I really need to find some good coffee. u know the kind that makes u wake up in the morning and go...hmmm!! anyway..i digress...). U know u get left feeling like Tom from those T&J cartoons where he gets conned by Jerry and then his head is replaced by a Jackass's head when he realises it!! (That used to be good fun. Screw work and watch T&J....haha good times...and once again...i digress...)

so what do you do? well....apparently nothing....cos common sense and logic goes out the window...so....u just keep trying to bend the spoon i guess...

Deja Vu - all over again....

.....it's that sinking feeling....all over again!

When u know u have something to do and no time to do it in, and when u want to do something and can't do it, and when u want to know what the fuck is happening but can't ask, and when u want to eat something other than cornflakes but can't!!(actually that's just one of the reasons...there's a myraid of other reasons..which i shall not dvelve into at this point in time...)

..and to add to all that mess is a presentation/assignment due in the morning and u are starting it at 10 in the night. (well the plan is to start it at 10, but doesn't look like that's gonna happen either....so looks like it's gonna be a long night!!) and it's on finance! (ever heard of the term double whammy?? Well whoever came up with that certainly didn't have this sort of experience...else it would have been multiple whammy!!)

So then what do you do?? Well u apparently blog about it like that's gonna make matters better!

but the best part of it all is that...it's all happened before! A number of times...and every time it seems worse than the last time. (well it probably is, but when ur in such a mess it all seems the same no??)

such is life....and it ends in 2 blog posts in a day? touchdown!!

(That's the ending of the Christmas for brown folks song...for the uninitiated...listen to it...it's good)