My Experiments with Truth....

....about Vodka.

Seeing as I'm no Gandhi (in any sense of the word. I'm not bald, I don't have a walking stick and I don't really care much for salt) my experiments with truth are limited to the benefits of hiding it. Manipulating it so that you only tell someone the partial truth for various reasons. That's technically not lying....

Anywho...this post has nothing to do with that....so moving along to what i actually wanted to talk about...Vodka...

I had a surreal experience yesterday aided by generous doses of the russian brew....and it made me realise a few home truths....which naturally i am keen to share. To be honest i'm not entirely sure of some of the facts...but hey! i'm sure enough to write this...so here goes....

(All people, incidents, actions, screw ups in this post are totally real to the best of my memory and any resemblance to anything living or dead, mostly living unless something has drastically changed in the last 12 hrs, is purely factual)

Lessons Learnt and Truths Realised:

1) Having a bottle of Vodka after not sleeping all night, seems like a good idea. It is not.

2) Downing the whole bottle in one go and then buying another because you still feel sane seems like an even better idea. This is definitely not.

3) You think you can't get drunk. You will. Soon. More than you can handle.

4) Vodka doesn't make you smart. At all.

5) It makes you catch the next available bus that day. To Manchester.

6) Vodka and a moving bus are the best way to fall asleep. Peacefully. Soundly....till u wake up in Manchester.

7) You will not wake up in Manchester. You will......in Leeds.

8) National Express guys are nice. They give you a free ride back to Manchester. Because you are drunk.

9) You think it is so warm and don't take a jacket. It is cold. Very cold. Even inside the bus. You realise this once you get out.

10) You get to Manchester. Finally.

11) You get up from your seat quickly. You shouldn't have. There are drunk elephants running around in your head. Playing football. Aggressively.

12) You don't think you are hungry. You are. You don't eat. You should have.

13) The aforementioned elephants are now drunk AND hungry. They are still playing football. More aggressively.

14) You see someone smoking and making smoke rings. You think it would be fun to know to do that. You might think of trying. (Let's leave the rest of that story out)

15) You have an assignment to submit in 2 days. You haven't started. You decide to start.

16) You feel creative. Very creative. You are. I said creative not intelligent. You still can't do finance.

17) Vodka is a good gambler. You make a ton of money at the Casino....then lose it. All of it.

18) You manage to make it to the bus to get back. It is freezing. You feel much more sane.

19) You listen to the iPod. The song you are listening to is "Gay Fish". You sing it out loud. You think you have a great voice. You don't. Luckily you are sitting alone.

20) You get up the next day morning with the mother of all headaches. What the fuck did you expect!!

and....that's the way it goes......